Home Video Survival Guide

The possible end of an era is before us, with the recent close of our local Movie Gallery and Blockbuster filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Many cinephiles are wondering where they’ll get there next home video fix. However, fear not, your Tourist of Terror has some solutions to help fulfill your daily needs for frightful films.

For starters, don’t be afraid of the “through the mail” online rental services. Based on my own experiences, they’re quite good and have a wide variety of titles available. Many also offer the ability to stream movies instantly to your computer, television or video game console. Currently, there are only to online services on the market: Blockbuster & Netflix. Personally, I lean towards Netflix’s services since it carries a number of out of print films and it offers its streaming video content with no additional charge within its membership. Blockbuster does carry more of the new releases, the ability to buy new or used films online, mailed films can be returned at your local rental outlet and now are offering game rentals bundled with some of their services. However, I’m a member of both companies’ services since one may offer certain titles that its foil does not and vice versa. For the budget minded consumer, I’d recommend Netflix because of the streaming services, many out of print titles and concerns of what may become of Blockbuster due to its bankruptcy proceedings.

As you may or may not know, Blockbuster also offers an electronic kiosk service as well. However, it is not tied to its already existing services or memberships. It’s another rental venue altogether that simply shares the company’s trademarked logos and brandings. Personally, it’s a missed opportunity on Blockbuster’s part. If their memberships included online, kiosk and store rental access they would definitely beat Netflix and Redbox in the industry.

Speaking of Redbox, I’ve never been a fan of any rental kiosk service. One dollar nightly rentals sounds appealing, but where’s the variety or availability of titles and actual service? What if you really need to watch Ghostbusters at two in the morning? Good luck, you’d better hope it’s on cable. Kiosks carry tons of new releases, but there are few older films within their archives. Not to mention, you’re dealing with a vending machine. Your Tourist of Terror has lost many candy bars to such devices, I’m not about to pay for a movie that didn’t dispense or something I clearly returned. My opinion, steer clear of kiosks… as well as digital downloads.

The internet has many places you can download your favorite movies to your computer, mobile device and gaming system. The problem with downloadable content primarily is storage space. Granted you can upgrade your memory and most new computers can hold terabytes or more of data, but is it enough to amass a library? Not for this horror fan, not by a long shot. Another situation exists with digital media rights protection software and features. Though many studios use them to prevent illegal downloads, these security measures can prevent you from copying your content from one type of device or media to another. Though many believe that this is the media of the future, I’d rather have something with physical substance that I can touch rather than the electronic smoke and shadows of the internet age.

In closing, how should one go about getting their fill of chilling cinematic thrills? Aside from the fore mentioned methods, don’t forget you have a few local options. There’s the locally operated Tri-Star Video Biz rental in Hancock, just under the 522 bridge. They have great prices and a wide selection of available titles, as well as terrific staff. Finally, there’s always the joy of watching a film on the big screen. You can do just that in downtown Berkeley Springs at our own Star Theater. There’s not always a fright flick playing, but the price is right for a pleasant family outing. Of course, you can come for the film but you’ll stay for a tasty bucket of their real butter saturated popcorn. It’s to die for, horror fans, and another great substitute to fill our video voids!

The Exterminator

"Another day, another dollar," Miles Branson sighs while taking another slug of his cup of coffee from within his black Pest-Con van.

Gliding into the client's driveway, the large new home looms over him as he reviews his work order. Miles almost laughs when he remembers what he told them was the probable cause of their current woes: raccoons or possums in their root cellar. He shrugs, since it's easier for people to accept the lie when the truth is impossible to swallow.

The work order and initial consultation with the client, to the trained eye, tell a different story. Raccoons or possums don't leave 2-foot wide waste trails that light up neon blue under a luma-wand. Neither species could be responsible for the disappearance of large household pets, livestock or children. Of course, the old abandoned graveyard less than a mile away didn't help matters.

Hence the need for the lie. It was easy for the client to blame raccoons and possums since the majority of the loud noises reported occuredat night. Also, easy to have the client leave their new home for several days under the guise of a rabies scare. It might take awhile for Miles to eliminate the true pest if they had set up a nest in the residence, but it could also get real ugly.

Unlike their portrayal in modern entertainment, the real animal in question wasn't handsome or beautiful. They weren't hopeless romantics who sparkle in the sunlight or misguided souls worthy of redemption. The true beast reeks of earth and centuries-old decay from the life essence stolen from many over the decades. Under his breath, Miles curses both Anne Rice and Stephenie Meyer for humanizing these demons made flesh.

Retrieving from the back of his van a flamethrower, crossbow with silver bolts and an axe; Miles hopes this doesn't sour his new client's taste for the town.

Berkeley Springs is a nice place to live If it weren't for all the vampires.